[分享] SK2 J2 同學作文feedback示範

看板TOEFL_iBT (TOEFL_iBT托福)作者robert416 (蘿蔔)時間11月前 (2024/01/12 21:14)推噓1(1推 0噓 0→)

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大家好，我是Jacob （常春藤盟校賓州大學英語教學碩士），SK2TOEFL團隊實力養成班顧問，也專精在TOEFL機經(JJ)彙總整理，所以也可以叫我J2. . *** 繼續看文章前，下週有實體公開課，歡迎同學報名：課程名稱：帶你做閱讀聽力模考公開課時間：1/20(六) 14:00-16:00 地點：捷運大安站共構大樓16樓授課顧問：實力養成班顧問J2 & Vivian 快速報名連結：https://reurl.cc/g8zAOL *** 以下正文開始：今天再來看一篇作文的發展，其實整體來說都不錯，但最後結束的地方，可以更好。題目是： Doctor Achebe This week, we'll be discussing how technological advances are transforming the job market, making some jobs unnecessary. Let's focus on government actions. Suppose the government had to choose between two ways in which to support people whose jobs are no longer needed. The government could either give them enough money to live on until they find new jobs or offer them free job training without giving them money directly. Which of these two solutions do you think is better? Why? . C同學回答： From my perspective, I believe providing people with enough money to sustain themselves until they find new jobs is the better approach. As Kelly points out, financial aid can immediately assist them with their living expenses. For example, Uncle Ku, one of my dad's friends, lost his job due to technological advances. However, his savings could only support him and his family for three months. Thanks to the financial aid from the government, Uncle Ku was able to cover his child’s school tuition, ensuring that his family did not have to go hungry. Therefore, he could focus on landing a new job, without worrying about his family’s well-being due to his job loss. Finally, after actively applying for jobs, he secured a position at an air conditioning engineering company. As a technician, he wouldn't be easily replaced by technology such as AI because we still require humans to identify and resolve issues with air conditioning systems. . 前面發展都不錯，講到就是因為有政府的金援，所以即使沒工作也不用擔心學費還有生活費，然後自己可以也可以專心找下一份工作。但是後面Finally提到說在努力的尋找工作一陣子後，找到了一份技師的工作，不會再被取代了，這裏感覺就比較跟前面沒什麼關聯，我建議同學應該要寫的是反方的情況，譬如： . 沒有政府的金援，可能就每天要煩惱小孩的學費、生活費從哪裡來。在這樣的情況下，就算政府提供求職訓練，也無法好好的上課、進修，訓練的效果可能也會很差。 . Without government subsidies, one might find themselves daily worrying about how to afford their children's education and living expenses. In such circumstances, even if the government provides job training, it may be challenging to fully engage in classes, potentially leading to subpar training outcomes. . 如果不太知道最後幾句怎麼寫，寫「選擇反方的情況」是很安全的一個選擇，大家不妨試試喔！ Cheers, J2 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 36.229.103.55 (臺灣) ※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/TOEFL_iBT/M.1705065299.A.6B2.html